by Loren Jersey In a concerted effort to curb crime in inner-city schools, the government is rolling out a new education program with gritty real-life messages delivered in a no-nonsense manner by some refreshing new mascots. “McGruff the crime dog just can’t reach the kids these days,” says Owen MacPherson, head of marketing research at…
Stupidopolis News #6
First of all I would like to recognize the fact that we have reached 100 posts. Not very many of them are good, and 100 posts is nothing to brag about, but it is what it is, and I was hearing complaints about a lack of recognition, so there it is. Secondly, we have surpassed my personal goal…
Team Receives Virtual Atta-Boy
After months of late nights, lost weekends, and prematurely gray or receding hair, the development team for the new communication system at CommStar successfully tested their Engineering design model. “We were overjoyed,” proclaimed lead engineer Jack Wong, “Not since my wife gave birth to our son have I felt this happy.” Similar sentiments were expressed throughout the…
Universe Destroyed, Doesn’t Realize It Yet
by Loren Jersey So says Dr Phillip Melanchthon, professor of High Energy Nuclear Physics at Uppsala University in Stockholm, Sweden. “It is just as I have predicted.” He continued “The experiment at the Large Hadron Collider has caused a chain reaction which destroyed the entire universe.”
I Am NOT a Terrorist!
by Inferno Hi, I am a senior in college at a prominent university nowhere near where you live. I tutor some of the less fortunate students in chemistry, which is my favorite subject, and in which I have my second major. I do some volunteer work on weekends and I love my part-time job at…
Dear Advice 2
Dear Sports Announcer, I am embarrassed to admit this, but lately I’ve been having trouble, you know, keeping the pilot light lit. Even five years ago, this never would have happened. I was a real stallion, metaphorically speaking. Now I feel more like my little pony. My wife says it’s no big deal, which makes…
I Know What You Did For Lunch
It was 9am, and Dick moved with purpose down the aisle from his office to the lab. As he passed the empty cubes of his subordinates he felt a grim satisfaction. They are all in the lab, he thought, and that means they are all working. But how hard are they working? And are they doing everything I told…
On Average the Internet is Just 3 Guys
by Loren Jersey If you’ve been paying any attention to the Stupidopolis site news, you have read a few statistics that we were quite happy about, regardless of what Fred our dear editor has written. We average around 150 hits per month when there is new material. Google Analytics tells us that these hits come…
Eating Dangerously
By Enlitened Organic food scares me. Not because I am afraid that organic food is bad for me, but because the logical contusion is that I have been eating inorganic food all my life. My belly is filled with rocks! That’s why my teeth are so bad! I thought it was my parent’s fault, but…
Gutt the Incredible
Gutt sat at his desk and watched the animated radar images of the approaching storm. It was a big one; he would have to leave early to stay ahead of it. At that thought he felt a twinge. Someone was going to try to foil his attempt to leave early. He felt it in the…