Dear Advice 2

Dear Sports Announcer,

I am embarrassed to admit this, but lately I’ve been having trouble, you know, keeping the pilot light lit.  Even five years ago, this never would have happened.  I was a real stallion, metaphorically speaking.  Now I feel more like my little pony.  My wife says it’s no big deal, which makes me worry even more.  What if she starts having an affair?  Stressed in West McLean.

 West, can I call you West?  I’m not gonna lie to you Westy; there’s no question about it, if you don’t rise to the occasion, and overcome this adversity, your team is going to look to another player to snatch victory out of the jaws of defeat.  So you got a lot of stress; I always say when it rains it pours!  But you can’t let your goal get out of focus.  It’s decision time for you!  Are you going to rest on your laurels, and say “It’s been a great ride”, or are you going to step it up and bring you’re a-game?

If you could eke out just one win, it would be a huge confidence booster for you.  You know what you have to do, but I think you’re not mentally prepared.  You and your wife are out of synch, it’s got to be a total team effort.  She’s got the competitive juices flowing, and you’re worrying about last week’s game.  You have got to respect her physicality!  Start showing her some heart, work on feeling each other out.  Keep your focus! It’s tough in a hostile environment, and that’s what you’ve got right now.  You’ve got to turn it around and make it your game!  If you don’t it’ll be too little too late!

Once you’ve started working in synch, take it down to the red zone, then start milking the clock and turn it into a game of inches.  Go for your deepest penetration.  Remember, it ain’t over till the fat lady sings, not that your wife is fat; or that there’s anything wrong with that if she is; it was just a figure of speech.

If you give 110%, and show her how much depth you’ve got, you’ll be the only one knocking on the door.  And you can take that to the bank!