with Klee Irwin
Are you overweight? Losing your memory? Hair? Sex Drive? Do you strain on the toilet to produce a few nuggets of unsatisfying feces? Did you know that up to 35% of your body weight right now is old decaying fecal matter, gall stones, kidney stones, toxins, pesticides and growth hormones clogging your intestines and preventing your body from absorbing nutrients from the food you eat? Everything you’ve eaten since you were a small child is still packed into your colon and caked onto the insides of your digestive organs like 1000 layers of paint, and it makes you feel heavy, bloated and lethargic. My patented formula of 62 weeds and flowers is perfectly balanced to cleanse your body of all this accumulated waste. The end result will be a thinner, more youthful and energetic body than you thought possible.
You may be surprised to discover that all forms of disease and evil inclinations arise from accumulated fecal matter. Just look at these facts. The native americans who used only a small fraction of these plants in their medicines were 80% less likely to commit crimes than we are today. The chinese communities where just 10% of these plants were used in cooking and medicine lived to be 40% older on average than other contemporary cultures. And when they died their bodies were as youthful and strong as a 20 year old! One monk from the 14th century lived to be 150 years old, and when his body was examined his organs were found to be in perfect condition. He used only 5 of these plants in a tea he drank daily!
Once you begin to take my formula, your intestines will begin to convulse as they shrug off these layers of feces. You will be shocked and disgusted at the frightening amount of excrement your body will jettison, possibly in a series of explosive fits. You will be compelled to examine this effluent with a morbid fascination, as kidney stones, gall stones, marbles and coins from years gone by finally pass through your system. My cleansing kit includes a specially designed fecal examination table with gloves tweezers and magnifying glass specifically designed by forensic professionals for this purpose.
And it doesn’t stop there, once you have been convinced of the efficacy and necessity of my patented formula, you will become an evangelist of the truth to your family and friends. You will find yourself examining their feces and showing them just how much undigested food they are defecating, and comparing it with your own completely digested, almost composted excrement. They will fight it at first, but eventually they will become totally convinced of the truth. Join me! Join us, and learn the freedom and power that comes with a cleansed body. You will instantly feel lighter, more energetic, and your mind will be clearer. Buy it now, before the impacted feces in your colon kills you!
2 thoughts on “Impacted Fecal Matter”
I have a Toshiba laptop and all of a sudden it stopped playing sounds. I went to the help website and I ran a diagnostic and it says nothing is wrong with my speakers. How can I fix this?
Either you are trying to draw a metaphor between impacted fecal matter and your laptop’s inability to play sounds, and suggesting that perhaps the sounds are in there somewhere, but they are being blocked by what, old files, pornography, lazy electrons – I don’t know, or, or just maybe, and I may be reaching a bit here.. you’re just an IDIOT.
Please don’t come here again.