DEAR SOUND TECHNICIAN: I am a happily married man in my early 40’s. My wife and I have always had fun together no matter what we did, but lately it has been getting harder to satisfy her in the bedroom. She says it’s not me, and although I am losing a bit of my hair,…
Month: June 2008
Maintenance Guy Replaced
Tenants at 832 Seward received an alarming notice at 4pm Central Standard Time indicating that effective immediately, Vasile Tiplea was no longer the maintenance man for the building in question. The circumstance of his replacement were not revealed, but the memo went on to say that Eddie Vonservia would take over maintenance duties at the…
On the Edge of Outsourcing
6/26/2008 Outsourcing is the latest fad to fail in corporate America, but it needn’t be so. The trouble with all of these fads is that they attack a symptom, but never address the root cause. If your company has tried it, you are aware of the damage it can do. If your company is talking…
Organic Pet Rocks!
Stop destroying the environment by supporting the processing and sales of hormone and pesticide laden pet rocks. Purchase organic rocks hand selected in a renewable an sustainable fashion without destroying the rainforest or clubbing baby seals! Remember, if it doesn’t say organic, you’re murdering the earth!
Chicken Spaghetti Thief
I was recently discussing inventions with a co-worker of mine when he suggested that I Google the description to see if the product already existed. “Oh no,” I said “they steal ideas from people. I don’t do that anymore!” He seemed confused, so I explained; search engines have been aware of this for years. They…
Feng Shuing!
by Loren Jersey A new reality show is taking the nation by storm. Competitive Feng Shui has got everybody talking. The show begins with three identical stage rooms, each with several articles of furniture, plants, small sculptures and paintings just outside the rooms. Contestants are given 10 minutes to arrange the rooms for a specific…
10 Things Business School Doesn’t Teach
The Weekend contains no workdays. Instances of ‘Tomorrow’ used on a Friday will automatically get mapped to ‘Monday’. A manager’s job is not to motivate. If you want to motivate, become a puppeteer. Meetings, by definition, are not productive. Trying to get things done in a meeting is like trying to wash clothes with the…
The Need for Beer
This is a simple graph indicating the relationship between bowling performance and beer consumption. You will notice that after some amount of beer, the average bowler’s game is actually better than he thinks it is. This is the bowling sweet spot (or the “zone”), usually indicated by a very relaxed pre-to-light-buzzed state, streaks of 3 or…
How to Look Good
by enlitened I am always hearing of people telling me that they found something in the last place they looked. An of course you do to. Idiots will tell them “well of course you did. Why would you keep looking after you have found it?” Don’t listen to those jerks because they are just stupid….
Books I May Have Written
“How to Make $Millions$” – it’s a very forward looking book, outlining how I wrote a book on making millions, and thus made millions. Explains in great detail how you can do it too! “What the World Would Be Like if I Hadn’t Written This Book” – A tantalizing vision of an alternate reality where Air Force…