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Spring Cleaning 2 – Miscellaneous Bits

Posted on April 9, 2010 by drlove

“This is a series of thoughts which never made it into anything, but are cluttering up my notebook.” Erk
——————–
Inventor of the cheese-scented seatbelt.  Unlike the edible seatbelt [the S-eatbelt], which, while designed to allow seatbelt escape even while inverted, posed some logistic problems, not the least of which was the inability of most humans to chew on their own shoulder, the new cheese-scented seatbelt will attract friendly rodents, who, guided by it’s delicious scent, will eagerly gnaw through the seatbelt, unwittingly freeing the trapped person!
——————–
Shoes or “foot-bags” are usually found in abundance in department stores and shoe stores.  Shoes can be worn on the feet of most people.  Although selecting a shoe is completely beyond the scope of this article, and should never be attempted without first consulting a professional, blah blah blah.
——————–
Test score

 Man: “Here are your test scores.”

Woman: Looks at score, is puzzled.  “Is that a good score?”

Man: “Every score is a good score Ma’am.”

Woman: “What’s that spose’ta mean?” then she becomes angry.  “Look, just cuz I got a low score on your so called test, that don’t make me stupid.”

Man: Pauses, “That is correct, Ma’am.  You were stupid long before you took this test.”
——————–
Abiogenesis

Old theory: dirty water + a month or two = frogs

New theory: dirty water + lightning (it worked for Dr. Frankenstein) + sunshine (counteracts entropy) + millions of years = frogs
——————–
Candice’s canary commented candidly that Colombian coffee contains copious quantities of caffeine.
What can I say? I like alliteration!
——————–
A picture takes on a whole different meaning depending on the context. For example, a photo of a man walking with a full gas can. Where he is going with that gasoline can change our view dramatically. If he is walking to his car, he’s an ordinary citizen, handling his problems as best as he can. If however, he’s walking to work or the Post Office, or some other crowded area, he’s a nut-job, or a terrorist. If he happens to work at the Post Office, he’s just disgruntled.
——————–
Brought to you by Jolly Wanker stiff candy
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Parodies top the Lame charts this year
——————–
America is ready for the bidet. I’m sick of sitting on the toilet listening to people in the stalls around me spitting on their toilet paper.
——————–
Are there 1-900 numbers in the back of hunting magazines where you call and it’s a Deer? Oh, yeah, fill me full of your hot lead – hey baby let me see your rack, ooh, yeah that’s a nice big rack. I wanna mount that on my wall. I hear you snorting, you’re in rut aren’t you?
Or a Turkey? Ooh yeah strut that stuff, I am gonna pluck you bare. I wanna eat you up.
Etc…
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World’s Largest Group Vomit
——————–

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