Organic food scares me. Not because I am afraid that organic food is bad for me, but because the logical contusion is that I have been eating inorganic food all my life. My belly is filled with rocks! That’s why my teeth are so bad! I thought it was my parent’s fault, but it was rocks all along! Just kidding! But rocks are bad four you though. So don’t eat rocks.
So, naturally, out of fear I began buying all organic produce. But that didn’t work either. Instead of buying cobs of corn, Boston lettuce, remain lettuce, red peppers, bananas, apples, oranges, peaches, beets, cucumbers, radishes, zucchini, carrots, a coconut, beans, peas, potatoes, tomatoes, garlic and onions, I would go to the organic section and get a single head of lettuce, one green pepper, and a bag of bean sprouts. Then I’d have to leave the beans sprouts and the green pepper at the checkout lane because they put me over my budget for the week.
I thought “Screw this! I can’t afford to eat organic food!” So instead I started reading up on why inorganic foods are so bad for you. Boy was that a mistake. I spent a lot of time at the library, and that is no fun for anybody.
So you don’t have to go through books and stuff like I did, I’m going to give you the condensate version.
Water is very bad for you. I mean good water is good for you, unless you drink too much, or try to breath it because then it will kill you, but most water is bad for you. Bottled water is bad for the environment. One bottle of water destroys I achier of rain forests. The plastic bottle also dries up our oil prices and widens the economy gap between the rich and the poor. Also water out of the tap is very bad for you. It has been altered and de-ionized, so it is now bad for you. Buy a water re-ionizer, oxygenate and filter out the additives, or you will get cancer and die.
Wheat is bad for you. Wheat is a conspiracy by white supremacists to control people and oppress the Asian countries who eat rice, which is good for you, just like Asian medicine is better than western medicine. “Wheat has tiny microorganisms in it which effect your DNA and make you more docile and easy to control”, and can be use do track you. That was straight from the weathconspiracy.org website. It was on the web, and it agrees with my opinion, so it must be true.
Eating animals is wrong. They were here millions of years before we were and they live in perfect harmony with the earth but humans are brainwashed into thinking that animals are just property. Animals never hurt other animals for pleasure, so they are superior to humans. So don’t eat animals and anything with animal products in it. Not even animals crackers!
Soy is good for you! Ha! You thought I would say it is bad, but soy is a good food. Right wing conspiracy people will say soy is bad for little boys, but so is having sex with them. Ouch! I’m just kidding, but it’s true! Anyways, soy has plant estrogen in it so it can mess up young boys, they say, but I think they added it to make soy look bad. Just look at all the Asian countries that eat soy all the time, and they have no health issues.
Toxins are bad for you. I think that’s a redundant thing, because toxic means bad. Everything grown on big industry farms has toxins. But organic food has no toxins. Also processing food adds toxins to it. Eating raw food is better. Toxins stay in your body forever, just like red meat, unless you flush it out. They pack in your intestines like sausage and keep your body from absorbing vitamins and good stuff from the food you eat. This is proven by hundreds of experts about toxins. What would they gain by lying? People are smart enough to decide what is true.
Most food from stores that is not organic or fresh, but is processed is very bad for you.
Instead of eating granola, eat oats, nuts, fruit and pieces of cinnamon. Instead of soda, eat cola beans and drink purified, re-ionized, filtered water, and carbon dioxide.
Look at some of the bad ingredients in the foods you eat:
That horribly cruell turkey breast loaf you buy in a bag contains: Water, animal based puree, food-grade polymerized gelling agent, salt, and chemicals. Chemicals are bad for you! Did you know that most of the things that cause cancer are chemicals? Many chemicals are also outlawed by the Geneva Convention, because they can be used as weapons of mass destruction.
Your favorite soda or energy drink may contain one or more of the following: low viscosity water substitute, dangerous amounts of octane, cancer causing coloring agents, and more chemicals.
What is not in the ingredients list is what is really scary about food. Many food companies use old shells from the military to can food, which contains dangerous explosives and chemicals. They also add waste products to the food to cut costs. Many puffed serials are made from recycled packing material, and newspapers which is good for the environment but bad for our kids.
I could go on and on and on about this but the point is that you should eat more like the rabbits and squirrels, because they know what is good for you. Stop eating the way McIndustry wants you to eat, and loading you body with DNA altering chemicals and mind control drugs, and for the sure stop eating our animals, because we owe them because they were here first.
3 thoughts on “Eating Dangerously”
I loved all the well placed malaprop words.
Enlitened seems to have studied under Mrs. Malaprop herself, though I think he would never admit it.
Yore all wet, malaprop isa walkin stick th’aint got no strongness two it