by Inferno
Hi, I am a senior in college at a prominent university nowhere near where you live. I tutor some of the less fortunate students in chemistry, which is my favorite subject, and in which I have my second major. I do some volunteer work on weekends and I love my part-time job at the children’s museum. I am telling you this because I have been accused of being a terrorist, and I feel I need to defend myself against these ludicrous attacks.
You see, in the evening I retire to my apartment off campus, to my private laboratory, where I manufacture bombs. Some I mail out, and some I plant in various locations around the city: vehicles, buildings, bus stops, etc. One time I rigged one up to a pedestrian crossing, so that it’d blow after the button was pushed a certain number of times – that was a fun one! I figure I make one or two good bombs a week. Now before you get all worried, I know what I’m doing, and in 6 years I’ve never had a bomb blow up in my face, or near any other part of my body.
Anyway, this past May, one of my little presents went undetected a little too long and a family of 5 was killed or seriously injured or something like that. What really pissed me off was the reactions of my so-called friends. I mean the post office is supposed to be screening for this stuff – they’re the one who should be punished! But no, my anti-bomb-conservative-nut used-to-be-friends say that whoever did this is a terrorist and should be put to death! Can you believe that? I am doing everything I can to help strengthen our country’s defenses, and they see it as terrorism!
They need to understand that my bombs keep everyone alert and ready for attack from the real terrorists. They also improve our defensive technology. I mean where would bomb detection be without my bombs? Where would bomb disarming and dismantling tech be without my bombs? Face it, you’d all be dead right now it it weren’t for people like me! They could kill you all with a simple fertilizer bomb, if it weren’t for people like me stepping it up every year to advance the tech. You should be thanking me instead of attacking me in your ignorance.
Impeccable logic. That which does not kill you makes you stronger.