by enlitened Around the world theirs a financial crisis where the bangs and economies of countries are collapsing. It is like the Grate Depression of the 1930’s all over again. And what is worse is now Daylight Savings has run out. The European Union’s daylight slaving collapsed at the end of October. Officially, at 2am…
Rift at the NIST
by Loren Jersey the National Institute of Standards and Technology, Acoustics Scientists and Engineers at NIST came to blows Tuesday over a proposal to redefine lameness, and how it is measured, including the introduction of a new SI unit, the Lamicle. Lameness, the degree to which something is lame, has always been measured in groans, with 1…
I Have Appendicitis
Son, I have appendicitis, and it is slowly killing me. The doctors say that I have at most two weeks to live. My appendix is inflamed and will eventually burst, flooding the nearby tissue with dangerous bacteria. There is nothing they can do. Well, there are radical ‘surgeries’, and medications I can take, like prescription…
Feds Crack Down on Spam
by Loren Jersey US Authorities announced Tuesday they had completely obliterated spam. “Well, we made a dent in it at least for the short term” said FTC regional director Steve Berkowicz. Yes, you can rest assured that your inbox will be free of spam now that the FTC has broken the last and one of…
OSHA and The Office
OSHA ensures that your employer provides as safe a working environment as possible, but that is not enough to keep employees safe. Your employer is also required to provide training and PPE (personal protection equipment) so that you can do what is required to remain safe. This article covers some of the most dangerous office…
Impacted Fecal Matter
with Klee Irwin Are you overweight? Losing your memory? Hair? Sex Drive? Do you strain on the toilet to produce a few nuggets of unsatisfying feces? Did you know that up to 35% of your body weight right now is old decaying fecal matter, gall stones, kidney stones, toxins, pesticides and growth hormones clogging your intestines…
All Hail Matani Shakya
Wednesday, Nepal, Buddhist and Hindu monks in Nepal are being held on charges of child pornography and child exploitation today. An investigation was begun late Tuesday evening following the appointment of three year old Matani Shakya as the latest incarnation of the Hindu deity Taleju. “Taleju, is here a local goddess to Nepal, who is…
90210 canceled?
by Loren Jersey It seems just yesterday I was going to have to eat my words. It was as if those nutty BH9ers had actually accomplished something. They even sent me a letter praising the network and, well why don’t you read it yourself: Loren Jersey, Stupidopolis Today we ushered in a new era of…
The Universe is Retarded
After 35 years of collecting data on the universe, Dr Carl Schmutzenheimer has concluded that the universe suffers from a severe learning disability. “These numbers should be way higher.” Explains Carl. “A universe of this age should be able to learn and retain information much better than this.” When asked how he arrived at a…
America: Home of the Bail-Out
I am so upset about this constant stream of money being funneled from my pocket to corporate losers, that I am almost speechless, but not completely. Words cannot begin to describe how miffed I am at how poorly our corporations are being run, but despite that I will try. And that our government would sell…