Daylight Savings Crisis

by enlitened

Around the world theirs a financial crisis where the bangs and economies of countries are collapsing.  It is like the Grate Depression of the 1930’s all over again.  And what is worse is now Daylight Savings has run out.  The European Union’s daylight slaving collapsed at the end of October. Officially, at 2am PDT, November 2nd the United States was also completely out of daylight savings.  Amidst worries that the daylight will dry up completely, thousands of people were going outside soak up what might just be the last rays of daylight ever.  Others were buying up batteries and compact florescent light bulbs like there was no tomorrow.  “The daylight savings is gone!”  One woman chanted over and over “There will be no tomorrow!”

Daylight Savings Time, part of Franklin Eleanor Roosevelt’s new deal, was introduced in the state of Wisconsin in 1913 to as part of the work relief program. It was intended to save up the extra hours of daylight during the longer summer months so that they could be enjoyed through the cold dark winers.  With the collapse of the Daylight Savings, many are concerned that there will not be enough daylight to get though the winter.

I spoke with Dr. Mark Flippington at the National Astronomical and Ionosphere Center in Ithaca, New York, who was able to confirm that the daylight is indeed disappearing.  “The sun is producing as much light this year as it has over the last 10,000 years;” says the prominent astrologer. “However the angle of the earth’s axis results in fewer hours of daylight now and less light during the day than what we were experiencing during the summer months.”  And things are only going to get worst, accordion to analysts.  If this trend continues there will be no daylight left at all!

We already experienced one cut-back this fall when we were told to set our clocks back one hour, and all signs point to the shortage of daylight to increase in the coming weeks.  We may see another cut-back.

“Were are all these daylight savings we’ve been hearing about?” asked Angina Lincoln Continental, echoing a cry heard around the world.  “If the government has daylight, it should be giving it to us.”

Kyrgystan apparently is the only country with sufficient Daylight Savings to carry it through the year.  Angry people are banging on it’s walls to get some of there precious daylight, but Kyrgystan officials are not letting anyone in unless they spend money to support there terrorism industry.  “We have daylight savings, yes,” says Zurmanan Obyachev, Minister of Tourism, sending a very mixed massage about his agendas. “But our economy is hurting as is the worlds economies.  We need monies to support terrorism industry.”

Meanwhile the Federal daylight suppository is asking congress for a bailout, to continue providing daylight to the nation. “This is just a matter of poor planning.” said newly elected House Energy Committee Chair Henry Waxman. “What did they do with the daylight they had in July?  They squandered it, or worse yet they were inside their homes watching television.  There will be no daylight bailouts until we hear a clear plan as to how it will be used.”

This blunt answer has left many Americans very depressed and disillusioned “fall back they say,” Says Harry Spittowski, completely out of daylight, and barely able to see “Well, I got nothing to fall back on!”