Tuesday evening I stopped at a local grocer, “Farmers’ Freshest Produce Market” or some such thing. I like to shop there because they are cheap and the food is fresh. Well, most of the time. Tuesday I needed milk. I purchased 2 gallons, one for drinkin’ and one for makin’ yogurt. When I got home,…
Tag: news
Welcome to the Rainbow of Stupidity
The Boxcar Oenophile
By Boxcar-Joe You don’t have to be a wine-maker or have a basement wine-cellar to be a wine connoisseur. If you’ve dreamt of bathing in a big tub filled with wine, you have what it takes. Beggars can’t be choosers, and today is no exception. On the menu is half a supersonic breakfast burrito. Our…
Americans Fight World Hunger
by Loren Jersey West Hollywood Across this great nation a movement has been spreading. A movement started by one Dredmond Bellbottom the 3rd of West Hollywood, California. Dredmond, who has always been very active in his community, was frustrated by the roadblocks and red tape he encountered in the humanitarian programs which existed at the…
Daylight Savings Crisis
by enlitened Around the world theirs a financial crisis where the bangs and economies of countries are collapsing. It is like the Grate Depression of the 1930’s all over again. And what is worse is now Daylight Savings has run out. The European Union’s daylight slaving collapsed at the end of October. Officially, at 2am…
Rift at the NIST
by Loren Jersey the National Institute of Standards and Technology, Acoustics Scientists and Engineers at NIST came to blows Tuesday over a proposal to redefine lameness, and how it is measured, including the introduction of a new SI unit, the Lamicle. Lameness, the degree to which something is lame, has always been measured in groans, with 1…
Feds Crack Down on Spam
by Loren Jersey US Authorities announced Tuesday they had completely obliterated spam. “Well, we made a dent in it at least for the short term” said FTC regional director Steve Berkowicz. Yes, you can rest assured that your inbox will be free of spam now that the FTC has broken the last and one of…
All Hail Matani Shakya
Wednesday, Nepal, Buddhist and Hindu monks in Nepal are being held on charges of child pornography and child exploitation today. An investigation was begun late Tuesday evening following the appointment of three year old Matani Shakya as the latest incarnation of the Hindu deity Taleju. “Taleju, is here a local goddess to Nepal, who is…
90210 canceled?
by Loren Jersey It seems just yesterday I was going to have to eat my words. It was as if those nutty BH9ers had actually accomplished something. They even sent me a letter praising the network and, well why don’t you read it yourself: Loren Jersey, Stupidopolis Today we ushered in a new era of…
The Universe is Retarded
After 35 years of collecting data on the universe, Dr Carl Schmutzenheimer has concluded that the universe suffers from a severe learning disability. “These numbers should be way higher.” Explains Carl. “A universe of this age should be able to learn and retain information much better than this.” When asked how he arrived at a…