by Erk 4/1/08 The day is almost here, and if you are of the US Citizen persuasion, and happen to be employed or retired, you fall into one of two categories: done or not done. The done folk mock the not done folk, saying “I did my taxes on New Year’s Day! We used our tax…
Author: Erk
Rules for Driving in Chicago
by Erk I grew up in a small town of about 14,000 in the middle of nowhere. It was’t a suburb of anything. Our neighborhood had stop signs. There were no turn lanes; in fact, there were no lanes at all. Some of you might call it uncivilized, even barbaric, but it was home. Later…
To Gas Or Not To Gas
To gas or not to gas, that is not the question. For which is more desirable, to explode in a shower of organs and tissue, or to torture your co-workers with the bean burrito you ate last night? Nay, whom to gas is much more pertinent.
Extreme Sledding 101
January 6, 1999, 7:00pm. Our intrepid hero, that’s me, sets out on an exciting adventure. My new assignment: Mount Trashmore! The bigwigs down at HQ think there’s something funny going down there, and I am to infiltrate the ranks disguised as an ordinary sledder. I get into my gear, and grab my trusty alibi, a…
The Angst of Obscurity
Warning! this article is not very funny! I’m depressed. by Erk As I write these words, I imagine myself tossing the finished pages out into the wind. They swirl and whip past people on the street, stick momentarily to the front of a car, and are carried up again when a truck passses, never to be…
Skater’s Career Ends Suddenly
by Erk Olympic skater Amy Blahdavich has been skating since she was 3 years old. From a strong line of skaters, with a pedigree exceeding 5 generations, she was her family’s most hopeful entry for the 2010 winter olympics, being held in Vancouver. “I trained her for 10 years” explains her coach Maury Sutherland choking…
Tales From The Red Line
This is an excerpt from a project I have stalled on… Random Thoughts This is an exercise in writing observations while riding from Chicago to Howard. The trip is longer than this narrative suggests, but the real killer is trying to write a complete thought down while the train is stopped, because nothing written while it…
Life is Too Complicated
Family, Work, Bills; these are some of the biggest causes of stress in our lives. There are so many rules, so many conflicting agendas, not to mention the tedious processes required to purchase and prepare something as boring and necessary as food. Well, I have a solution for all of it. Read on and I…
Stupidopolis Is…
Everywhere I go people are asking me “what is your website about?”. Ok, that’s not exactly true; first I say “hey, go visit Stupidopolis.com!” then they say “why?”. The conversation degrades from there. But it got me thinking, “what is Stupidopolis about?” So here is my stream-of-consciousness description of Stupidopolis: It’s like a brick wrapped in bacon. It’s like…
I’m Not Wearing Underpants
I understand your position; you think Bush is the anti-Christ and his political agenda is the systematic destruction of the middle class, the raping of America and the oppression of women and minorities. He’s replacing every major government position with politicians whose views are in alignment with his own, effectively crippling our ability to act in…