Family, Work, Bills; these are some of the biggest causes of stress in our lives. There are so many rules, so many conflicting agendas, not to mention the tedious processes required to purchase and prepare something as boring and necessary as food. Well, I have a solution for all of it. Read on and I am sure that you will agree that my way is much simpler.
For instance, let’s say you wish to purchase a handgun. In the state of Illinois, you need a Firearms Owner’s Identification Card (FOID), which you cannot apply for if you were ever convicted of a felony, or if you were ever convicted of domestic battery or domestic violence. You must be at least 21 to purchase a handgun, and even then you must wait 72 hours before you can take posession of it. If life were more like Grand Theft Auto, you could simply press the following: R2, R2, R1, R2, L1, R2, LEFT, DOWN, RIGHT, UP, LEFT DOWN, RIGHT, UP. This would give you one weapon in every weapon class, including a flamethrower and an Uzi. Sweet and simple.
Suppose that you are stuck on a highway in the middle of nowhere in the snow because you just got a flat tire. Well, in Grand Theft Auto you simply enter R2, L2, L1, CIRCLE, LEFT, DOWN, RIGHT, UP, LEFT, DOWN, RIGHT, UP, and you have 4 brand new tires!
Perhaps you, like 90% of people, are unsatisfied with your physical appearance. To effect changes you might do pore oer magazines looking for that perfect outfit, drive to the store, realize it won’t ever look as good as you as it does in the magazine, buy it anyway, and a pint of Chunky Monkey to make you feel better. Or get an new hairstyle, perhaps with a dye job, or you might go so far as to exercise or pay for plastic surgery. But if life were more like Grand Theft Auto, you could simply press: RIGHT, RIGHT, LEFT, UP, L1, L2, LEFT, UP, DOWN, RIGHT and you would look exactly like the character Red Leather. If you happen to be a woman looking for a hot night on the town, or if you’re a dude who just wants to try something different, press: CIRCLE, R2, DOWN, R1, LEFT, RIGHT, R1, L1, X, L2, and you will not be disappointed!
In the boring world of do-everything-the-hard-way, if you are tired of life and you want to end it all, you have to do some real work, but to kill yourself in Grand Theft Auto, press these buttons: RIGHT, L2, DOWN, R1, LEFT, LEFT, R1, L1, L2, L1.
It isn’t always about simplicity though; sometimes the journey is more important than the goal. Getting a soccer ball requires a little time and money, but is such a mundane task, hardly worth doing. In Halo 2 getting a soccer ball is a lot more fun. Begin play on lengendary. Go to the level Quarentine Zone. When the level starts, go through the cave and find a long ledge that leads into a fog. There you will find a floating skull. Hold X and collect it, then exit the level. Now go to the level after outskirts, and go to the sewer tunnel Take that warthog in the tunnel and kill all the aliens. You’ll be taken to a path near a few ghosts and a wraith. When you destroy evrything, you’ll be taken through another tunnel. Exit the warthog and there will be a huge cracked window right in front of you. Jump onto the ledge and use a grenade jump. Once inside, jump on a sliver that looks like a radio antenna and jump on another one ahead of you that’s hanging in the air then jump onto the ledge and jump onto a higher ledge and then go into an edge between two buildings. There’s a huge soccer ball there. Now you need to melee it to get it down onto the street, then you can take a ghost with a friend to play soccer. Way more exciting than driving to SportMart.
Yes, I think that the world would be both simpler an more fun if things worked like video games.
1 thought on “Life is Too Complicated”
Did you hear? The next version of GTA will have a three day waiting period for acquiring a firearm. You’ll have to enter the sequence, then save the game to eeprom, wait three days, and reload the game from there.