by Loren Jersey
March Madness® begins today, and all across the nation, basketball fans are going crazy. All except for Harlan Dunkel that is, who according to his family, has not begun to show the slightest indication of madness. “We’re very worried by Harlan’s lack of craziness over the championship games” said his wife LaBrenda. “I mean there are 16 games scheduled for today! He should be going absolutely bonkers!”
Harlan, who has gone crazy in the past, was unusually level-headed this morning despite the fact that his alma mater, Marquette, is scheduled to play the first game. “I guess I have a lot on my mind,” said Harlan in a rather sedate interview, “and I just can’t afford to go nuts right now. We’re remodelling the bathroom, and the fixtures are on backorder. Work is sending me to Madrid next Tuesday, and of course there’s Easter. This just isn’t a good time.”
LaBrenda, who expected the insanity to have begun already late last week, scheduled a psychiatric appiontment for Harlan. “The Dr. wouldn’t normally have been able to fit him in until early May,” LaBrenda said, “but for Harlan, he made extra time yesterday after golf.”
Dr. Herbert VanWiddle was very concerned when he heard of Harlan’s condition. “March Madness® is a natural and necessary development in the committed basketball fan, and when one is unable to participate in the insanity, one can expect alienation from his peers which can lead to repressed anger and low self image. Naturally, when I received LaBrenda’s message I knew this required my immediate attention.”
“Dr. VanWiddle said Harlan is repressing his emotions” said LaBrenda “which I think is totally true, I mean all men are like that, and it’s not healthy.” Dr. VanWiddle warned Harlan that his condition was serious, and could result in a psychotic break if something weren’t done to reduce the pressure. According to Dr. VanWiddle, there is hope though. “I have prescribed a mild psychotic drug, which should have Harlan behaving nutty as a fruitcake by Friday.”
“Thank God!” said LaBrenda. “Thank God!”
The March Madness® schedule is availble here.