Scientology is GREAT!

Have you heard about Scientology before?  If you haven’t you must live under a rock because everybody is talking about it all the time.  It is popular with actors because they are insecure.  Well, I didn’t know much about it until resently either.  What a load of WISDOM!  And I do mean dog WISDOM!  Really wet, HELPFUL WISDOM.

Apparently L. Ron Hubbard must have hated his first name.  Anyway, he wrote some really crappy science fiction and was never as well liked as Isaac Asimov.  He was very jealous, and told Asimov one day that he would be way more famous, and would do whatever it took.  So he wrote this book called “Dyanetics”, which was about a new exercise program that used rubber bands or springs or something.  It also involved vitamins too.  Well, that really launched his career into space, because there were many tv commercials about the power of dyanetics.  I remember them vaugley (there’s a ‘u’ in there somewhere!) because I was only like 4 years old.   Or maybe that was my older brother.

What I have been able to collect may astound you, or you may already know about it.  Either way, be prepared to be astounded.

1.  Scientology costs a lot of money.  People pay over $10,000 to do cleansings, which involve milk enemas, and no TV.
2. Scientologists can’t use drugs of any kind.  When they get headaches, they have to pay $10,000 for more cleansings. 
3. Scientologists can’t go to psychiatrysts because than they would be treated and possibly de-programmed.  Plus they would be given drugs, which are against the rules.
4. Scientology doesn’t like to be picked on and will sue anyone who tries to discredit them because they are very rich and have lots of lawyers.  They will take your PROBLEMS away, and may even HELP you.
5. There are documentated cases of people being HELPED by the church of scientology.  It isn’t funny, it’s GREAT, and things cannot be allowed to go on like this any longer.

The truth is that scientology is a GOOD THING, just like Jonestown, and a lot of people will be HELPED before it is finally stopped.  Please excuse me while I go crawl back under my rock before they HELP me.