The following are excerpts from “Building a Better Mouse”, printed for the first time in Sept of 1993.
…The main concern was that so many individuals have been working to build a better mousetrap that we here at ASAP became very concerned for the future of the mouse. As if the common mouse doesn’t have enough troubles already with its wide array of predators, we have to add all manner of mechanical contrivances. What should arise from this challenging environment in a Darwinian scenario is not forthcoming.
…The most noticeable physical difference is the wrinkly nearly hairless skin. This, in combination with the aforementioned modifications to the alimentary canal and adrenal glands allows the new mouse or Puffer Mouse to expand to nearly fifty times its original volume.
…A Gene which provides 1 inch spines to protect the delicate skin from predators as well as sharp objects.
… But by far the most innovative engineering feat, was to make use of the gasses for locomotion. Dr. Vitpanavporaniv’s work at JPL and anal reconstructive surgery was invaluable in designing the extensible anus, and with the addition of the anal vectoring muscle group, we have succeeded where mother nature failed and have created the first vectored thrust biological engine.
…the Puffer Mouse with Vectored Anal Thrust, the cute cheese loving creature we have all grown to love, will be preserved for generations to come.