by Loren Jersey In a concerted effort to curb crime in inner-city schools, the government is rolling out a new education program with gritty real-life messages delivered in a no-nonsense manner by some refreshing new mascots. “McGruff the crime dog just can’t reach the kids these days,” says Owen MacPherson, head of marketing research at…
Month: September 2008
Stupidopolis News #6
First of all I would like to recognize the fact that we have reached 100 posts. Not very many of them are good, and 100 posts is nothing to brag about, but it is what it is, and I was hearing complaints about a lack of recognition, so there it is. Secondly, we have surpassed my personal goal…
Team Receives Virtual Atta-Boy
After months of late nights, lost weekends, and prematurely gray or receding hair, the development team for the new communication system at CommStar successfully tested their Engineering design model. “We were overjoyed,” proclaimed lead engineer Jack Wong, “Not since my wife gave birth to our son have I felt this happy.” Similar sentiments were expressed throughout the…
Universe Destroyed, Doesn’t Realize It Yet
by Loren Jersey So says Dr Phillip Melanchthon, professor of High Energy Nuclear Physics at Uppsala University in Stockholm, Sweden. “It is just as I have predicted.” He continued “The experiment at the Large Hadron Collider has caused a chain reaction which destroyed the entire universe.”
I Am NOT a Terrorist!
by Inferno Hi, I am a senior in college at a prominent university nowhere near where you live. I tutor some of the less fortunate students in chemistry, which is my favorite subject, and in which I have my second major. I do some volunteer work on weekends and I love my part-time job at…
Dear Advice 2
Dear Sports Announcer, I am embarrassed to admit this, but lately I’ve been having trouble, you know, keeping the pilot light lit. Even five years ago, this never would have happened. I was a real stallion, metaphorically speaking. Now I feel more like my little pony. My wife says it’s no big deal, which makes…