Yeah, I know this is a little late. I will address that in the list below. But before I do, I would like to mention something I have learned in the real world – the business world. They say that when it comes to promising things, it’s meaningless without metrics. It must have a date and a measurable quantity. It also is much more difficult to promise to stop doing something entirely, or to start doing something regularly that you’ve never done before. Therefore, I have chosen to make changes by degrees. It’s not only that they are measurable, but that they are not “all or nothing” resolutions. I would not resolve to quit smoking, for instance, but rather to smoke 25% fewer cigarettes during the year. So without further ado, here is my list, which is effective retroactively from January 1, and will be considered completed December 31, 2010, to be ingrained and entrenched as part of my character, attested to and proclaimed as such by any who know me.
First, I resolve to be 25% less procrastinative, or procrastinatory, whichever you prefer. Word, bless it’s diminutive dictionary, doesn’t like either of them. Hmm, if I had started this resolution December 28th, this article would have been done on time!
Next, I resolve to be 15% more perspicacious. This may seem unreasonable, but I believe that laziness and a tendency toward daydreaming result in at least a 28% reduction in my natural capacity for perspicacity. I am not seeking to increase my intellect beyond what my genetic makeup and experience has allotted me, I assure you. If my calculations prove to be inaccurate, I will accept correction graciously.
Also, I resolve to be 23.5% less persnickety; not when it comes to work mind you – that would be a move in the wrong direction I assure you. This is purely on a personal level, mostly relating to my daily interactions with family and friends.
Next, I resolve to be 11% less obfuscating, unless it comes to giving people directions. No, I take that back; that would be mean.
And speaking of mean, I resolve to be 18% less malevolent. It’s not a lot, but it’s a noticeable difference I think. As an aside, malevolent is a fun word don’t you think? Kind of like underpants or masticate. And I do mean just the word, not being what it means, if you know what I mean.
Oh, and that reminds me, I resolve to be at least 10% less circumlocutory, though it grieves me to resolve to do this, since it is ever so much fun. I refer here of course not to pleonasm, of which I claim complete innocence.
I further resolve to be 10% less penurious. It’s not really a strong point of mine, but I don’t aspire to be a great philanthropist, so 10% is good enough for now I think.
I resolve to be 5% less obdurate, because I’m really not that obdurate to begin with. If I recall correctly, I scored in the bottom 2% nationally in obduracy anyway, so getting much less obdurate is kind of difficult, not to mention tough to measure.
I resolve to be 8% more circumspect. And I don’t mean miserly; I don’t want to turn in to an Ebenezer Scrooge after all!
I resolve to be 3% less meretricious. No, I’m not going to explain myself.
I also resolve to be 2% less lugubrious. I know, you’re thinking “but you’re the least lugubrious person I know!” And you’re probably right, but I see what goes on inside my head when you’re not looking, and it’s a little scary. So, 2% it is!
And finally, I resolve to be 10% less dissimulative. With that out of the way, these metrics should be much easier for you to gauge.
Whew! That really looks like a lot now that I have it down in black and white; well that’s how it looks here, I’m not really sure what you’re looking at.
All I ask is that you send me monthly feedback wherein you grade each goal on a scale of one to 5, with 1 being exceeds the stated goal, 2 being meets the stated goal, 3 being nearly meets the stated goal, 4 being is far below the stated goal or has made no progress toward the stated goal and 5 being has actually gone in the opposite direction. I will use this monthly feedback to focus on my opportunities for improvement (more awesome business world words!)
Thanks, and Happy New Year!