WARNING: This article contains toxic levels of sarcasm. Read at your own risk.
You heard right, Black Friday Gasoline Conspiracy. Do you think it’s just a fortunate coincidence that gas prices have dropped 50% just in time for the big sales? Boy it sure is fortunate for all those ailing retail stores out there who were nearing bankruptcy because of dismal sales figures! Wow, what a stroke of luck, and just in time for the biggest shopping day of the year! Just a month ago we were driving all gingerly and trying to stretch each gallon as far as possible. Just a month ago we were all saying “Oh, I can’t buy that Nintendo Wii system because I have to fill my gas tank! Hmm, yeah it’s just a happy coincidence that we are no longer worrying about how much it’s going to cost to drive here or there; that we are free to spend our money on frivolous things again. What luck! Now you can buy as many toys as you want!
This couldn’t possibly be anything but a coincidence. Big oil corporations have absolutely no control over how much we pay at the pump, they just make as much gasoline as they can all the time, and the price is just whatever the price happens to be. And the people in charge of those oil corporations certainly have all their money invested in oil, because having all your eggs in one basket is smart isn’t it? They couldn’t possibly have any interest in motivating people to spend more money on electronic gizmos, because all they want to do is sell their oil. Electronic gizmos don’t concern them, or their children. They probably give each other barrels of oil for Christmas.
“Here you go Billy, 55 gallons of Sweet crude”
“Oh daddy, I love you!”
So go! Go buy your toys, your games and your movies. Spend yourselves silly. It’s your freedom; your right! You are wealthy again! You are in complete control of your money, and it really is what you want to do, isn’t it?
Or, you could test my theory and boycott Black Friday this year. See what happens to the economy if spending remains flat through the 4th quarter. If what I have said is true, the people who are running this game will become very upset, and we might just get a glimpse of them. It will be tough. The lure of toys is great, and the extra money you now have thanks to gasoline prices will certainly burn a hole in your pocket if you don’t do something with it. Perhaps, just perhaps, you could invest it in a college fund for your children. Or you could buy bonds; or invest it in your home. Save your money and watch the puppetmasters squirm!